How A Year Of Morning Meditation And Movement Changed My Life

Last October I was licking my wounds as I attempted to recover from my first failed attempt at entrepreneurship. I renovated the addition of a close friend's house, with its own private entrance and a beautiful patio. I believed it was the start of my future. Long story short, after finishing months of remodeling, laying hundreds of pavers, and pouring loads of time, love and money into the business things went up in flames. Not literally, but you get the picture.  

The failure was soul crushing. Struggling with imposter syndrome and self doubt while mourning the loss of a friendship, I found myself at a pretty low point mentally. My self talk included things like, who was I to have a yoga studio anyway, I couldn't stand on my head nor was I all that flexible. And yet I knew the yoga I desired to offer had nothing to do with all that anyway. I would tell myself I had no business running a business, since I had zero experience in that department. I would spend my days thinking about the list of reasons why I failed. The journey of entrepreneurship shined a light so bright on all of my insecurities that I couldn't even acknowledge what an incredible thing I had accomplished. I remodeled this room into a fully functioning studio pretty much alone, and it was truly beautiful. 

                          

                                                           

As I held space for her, she held space for me to speak my truth and share a meditation practice that felt so vulnerable and raw. She showed up and soaked it all in without a drop of judgement. There was no longer the need for a studio, as mother nature provided us with an even more perfect setting. Every morning we got to watch the sunrise, listen to the birds, and on the most magical days the dolphins would make their appearance.

After our practice we always made time to connect with each other. We had many conversations sharing our vulnerabilities, fears, hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Two strangers showing up without judgement, holding space for the full expression of the other. The healing was life changing. 

Eventually we decided to invite others to join our perfect morning bubble. These days I leave the word yoga out completely, and use movement instead. I believe this takes away intimidation people may feel, worrying that a yoga practice will be inaccessible for them. Mindful movement is followed by a guided meditation,  and just like how it started, there is always time at the end of practice for community connection. We read inspirational messages and leave an open invitation for everyone to share anything they feel called. 

                                     

As I sit here reflecting on the past year, I swell with gratitude. There have been ups and downs, and there are still days that I feel lost, to be completely honest. My focus is never on perfection but rather progress. There has been so much progress when it comes to my confidence, how I carry myself, and how I speak to myself. The bright light that entrepreneurship shined on all of my insecurities is still there, but I have learned how to support myself through these difficult emotions. Now I welcome my insecurities as my greatest teacher instead of my worst enemy. Everyday I am un-learning all of my beliefs that tell me I am not good enough and that I have to be small and quiet to be accepted. I continue to step into the power that is my voice and and lean into my inner strength as I allow myself to be seen.

The patience that is required on the journey is infinite. Deep trust and faith in your intentions must be the driving force to keep going, no matter what. It is important to remember that what you seek is also seeking you. Never allow a set back or what may look like failure to stop you from fulfilling what you have in your heart. It is there for a reason. I wrote another blog post about this you can read it here. 

My life changed in a year, and I know it is only the beginning. I have learned to follow my heart and find people who encourage me to be my most authentic self. I have learned how important it is not to hide or mask my heart, to always remember that living my truth gives someone else permission to do the same. Most importantly I have learned growing requires discomfort. I trust my journey and I am deeply grateful for the lessons along the way. I am especially grateful for my beautiful friend, who showed up, and continues to show up every week to our favorite spot on the beach. There will never be enough words to express what you have done for me. Thank you for seeing me and reigniting the fire in my heart to live my purpose, you will forever be my soul sister.