The days that feel awesome:
For me, it is like the stars are aligning. Even though everything is not perfect, I know I am on my way to all the things I intend to accomplish. I feel progress is made in even in the smallest actions. I am at peace with where I am, and I can deploy patience and enjoy the journey. Smiling comes easy and I feel lighter on my feet.
The days that feel not so awesome:
For me, the flip side of the awesome energy is downright low. I feel drained and uninspired. It is hard to do even the simplest task and I spend most of my day distracting myself trying to escape the overwhelming feeling of failure. It feels like I am the smallest fish in the biggest ocean. Like what I am striving for is so far away that it is damn near impossible to reach.
Sometimes I can turn this energy around with my favorite drink, a good meal or a deep breath in a closet far away from everyone else lol. And other days that low energy feels like a blanket covering my whole body, refusing to let me get up.
You may wonder why I am telling you this. Honestly, I am not really sure, maybe it will be relatable and help you feel a little less alone.
Truth is I want to make a change. The low energy days have a tighter grip on me then the high energy days. Or maybe it just feels that way because low energy sucks. I often wonder what the balance is between toxic positivity, allowing yourself to have your feelings and pulling yourself out of a hole with compassion and love.
What I have learned so far:
Keep your expectations of yourself realistic on the low days. This does not mean everything goes out the window, that only leaves you feeling triple shitty. So choose one to three things that you can do today that helps you feel connected and somewhat accomplished. But make sure these things are super simple, your expectations must match your energy, and that means low.
For example, I write a gratitude list every day. This is something that even on the hardest day is a non negotiable. It is only five words, it is not a full page of journaling and an hour meditation. No, that is not for today. Today is simple, basic. It is simply five things I am grateful for. This allows my brain, no matter how hard the day is, to focus for a few short minutes on what blessings I do have, despite the chaos going on in my head.
Another example is making your bed. This action can seem so tiny, but it will leave you feeling competent and accomplished. You have to actually DO something in order to get it done, but this is a bite size chore. You are not saying you will vacuum and mop the entire house or clean every bathroom. No, that is not for today. Today is for simple, basic. And today simple and basic gets a god damn award, because it is hard to keep even this small promise to yourself, and you did it anyway.
Another example is a five minute walk, even if you walk outside to get the mail and stand there until your five minutes are up. You have kept a promise to yourself to move your body. Did you go to the gym and work out for an hour? No, that is not for today. Today is simple, basic. You kept your promise to yourself, you honored your intention of caring for your body while also honoring how shitty you feel.
Reality:
Some days your are unable to do the simplest of things. This is not to make you feel less of yourself or more guilty then you already feel on those days. It is a life vest for the days that simple is possible with the fight that lives inside of you. You are strong and you can do hard things. Avoiding and distracting, ultimately, makes us feel worse.
On the days that feel impossible it is helpful to have an idea of how we can simplify our expectations of ourselves while keeping promises to ourselves. Finding ways that we can feel competent while nurturing and validating how we feel. I invite you to remove the pressure and move into acceptance. To meet yourself exactly where you are. This feeling won't last forever, it is all temporary after all.