As my awareness has grown on my self love journey I noticed I was rushing the process, I wanted things to be happening faster, to be further ahead. I found myself jumping to step ten before giving enough thought and space to step one. Maybe you can relate to this. This is your reminder that learning to love yourself takes time. If you feel like you have been working toward this goal forever, and still feel stagnant or like you haven't made it far enough; stop, and take a deep breath. Feel your breath entering your nostrils and reaching deep in your belly, and now feel your breath fully leaving your body. You are doing enough and you have made progress. Small progress counts, actually that is the progress that holds the most longevity; so take this moment to feel genuine pride for yourself. I mean it, stop and take a minute, you deserve it.
Now let's start from step one. Before we jump into self love and self compassion and how to find it and what exactly it is, we must first start with the current state of your body and mind.
Think of any time you have gotten nervous, remember how it felt in your body. Your heart beats fast, you feel your body shaking, your breathing quickens, you begin to sweat; the list can go on and it's slightly different for every person and situation. These are all nervous system responses. Notice how your thoughts and your body's response are both in a heightened state.
This can happen for all types of emotions, sadness, anger, excitement and so on. Your body responds to your mind's perception of an event. Your response is one of the three; fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
It makes sense if we attempt to find our way to self love in one of these states it would be extremely difficult. It also makes sense if you have had a stressful day, between work and the kids and whatever other priorities you have, it will also be extremely difficult to expect yourself to sit down and immediately find your way to a peaceful state of mind. It may feel impossible to quiet your thoughts, find stillness and focus on pouring love into yourself and being able to receive your love. This is usually the part where we get frustrated, give up and go busy ourselves with one of the hundred things we have on our to-do list.
To avoid the frustration and the giving up, we meet at step one. This is where you become aware of ways you can calm your nervous system before jumping into expecting a self love practice to bring you peace. You create peace and self love follows.
There are numerous nervous system regulating practices, be open to trying and testing out different options. There will be days when something works perfectly, and on other days that same practice will not work at all. Stay patient and try something new that day. Always welcome the spirit of a student, eager and willing to learn new things about yourself. Notice how getting to know yourself in this way is truly a self love practice on its own. The act of learning how to regulate yourself is a priceless skill you will be grateful you took the time to cultivate into your life.
Ways to regulate your nervous system:
- Good quality sleep (take a nap, go to bed earlier)
- Eat whole foods (fuel your body with foods that make you feel good)
- Get in nature
- Spending time in silence (meditation)
- Journaling
- Reflect (allow your thoughts to process instead of pushing them away)
- Cold exposure (showers, tubs, splash your face)
- Deep Breathing
- Sun gazing (do not stare at the sun, bask in its rays safely)
- Connect to the earth (walking barefoot in the grass, swimming in the ocean)
- A hand on your heart and a hand on your belly following your breath feeling all sensations
- Dancing
- Exercising
- Taking a walk in nature
- Eating a delicious fruit mindfully
I invite you to explore, as you move through some of these examples listen to your body. As you become more in tune with yourself you will notice what you require, expand on this list in any way that feels good to you. You are your own best teacher and there is no way to do this wrong. Follow the calm, follow the peace, follow the quiet you find in your mind, and follow the stillness in your body.